i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My life is pants optional.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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