My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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