He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
