If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
