I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
