Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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