her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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