how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
