Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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