i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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