my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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