Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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