i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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