I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
