I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
