In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
