I can tuck mytits in my pants
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
