gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
