You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
