Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
