just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
