just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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