my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
