SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
