WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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