He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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