so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
