"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
