I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
