I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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