I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
