what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
