I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
