okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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