Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
