mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
