Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
