i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
