his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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