The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
