in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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