I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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