Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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