you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
