Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
