I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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