Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
