So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
