You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
