I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
