Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
