I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
