he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
