I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize