My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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