Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
