I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
