oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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