i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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