honey bunches of taint.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
