he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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