walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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