My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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