So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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