i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
