sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm passing your future prison.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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