I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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