you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
