Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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